It's 2012, I'm 27. I'm turning over a new leaf. Or maybe I'm just watering the plants. I've never made a New Year's resolution, but I've always kind of felt that having a birthday so coincidental with the lapsing years, I should. As I get older, and find myself still within the pretend confines of art school, I realize that my field, unlike many others, doesn't rely on the piece of paper I'm so diligently working for. Once I have my degree, absolutely nothing will change. I'll still be working at a bar, smoking cigarettes, spending money on bullshit; I've basically realized in my ripeness that this is a life I've chosen, not a career. I couldn't be more content- sometimes happy with this, knowing that I can just start whenever. All I have to do is make work. I can't say that I haven't gone over this reality in my head and in ramblings about life with friends and other artists, but I guess this number: 27, has got me thinking that it's about fucking time. I want to be one of these prolific artists I so admire, and while I feel as though time free to make my own, extra-curricular art is close to non-existent, I simply have to do it any way. I've been living my life, clouding my time with people and activities that are not making me be who I want to be; it's so simple. I have a lot of habits to break, and I've already gotten the ball rolling. The resolution itself: to make one piece of art a week, and hopefully find the time to post many of them here. That's the primary part of it anyway; the rest entails some big life changes. I'm not surrounding myself with people or "friends" who aren't up to par anymore. I've had enough disappointment to last me a lifetime, and I just can't waste anymore moments letting others care less about me than I care about them- I consequently let my emotions distract me from being productive. Needless to say, I've been less depressed at other times in my life, but it also goes to say, I've been a lot worse (understatement). I do all this to myself, as most misery is dished and consumed, but the past year has got to have been one of the most trying I'll go through. With lost friendships, love, family members, my childhood home, and various other hard truths I've been climbing over and around, I'm in a still new city where I have every chance to figure out much of who I am, and I'm not going to waste this opportunity to earn some happiness. Wasting less of myself should certainly give me the space I need to learn and develop my self and my art a bit more, and I hope the rest falls into place.
On New Year's day, feeling really alone, but determined not to be lonely, I went out by myself- something I've never done before- and sketched and drew for hours. This is one that I did based on another past project (in progress). A couple of them were ruined by some drunk asshole spilling his beer on me, but whatever: just had to turn to a new page.
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